I gained 20kg and I love it.

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I have gained 20 kg.

When you hear someone say that, they usually follow up with something like “But i am going to the gym now every day to loose it as fast as possible!” or “And I feel so gross, ugly and fat.”

But I have gained 20kg and I am the happiest and healthiest I have ever been. To be honest, the fotos really don’t do the whole transformation justice. I didn’t really take any pictures with my lowest weight, because I felt so terrible. But I think you get what this is about anyways.

I get a couple of questions every now and then about how I was able to gain that much weight and believe me - it was not easy. Especially the first kilos were a crazy battle. I was still sick mentally, but definitely wanted to recovery physically. That was super hard, because my body told me “YES. GO EAT” and my brain told me “NO. STAY AWAY FROM FOOD.” It was a super confusing time, but with my goal of fertility and longterm health in mind, I managed to gain the weight I needed.

The first 10 kg were definitely the hardest. then my eating habits, mindset and general attitude switched and once my mental health was more stable, the rest of the weight came way easier to me. I still went through ups and downs with my selflove, but i felt more comfortable for sure.

I also realize just now, how fucked up my mind was. Only when you are completely healed, you can see all the stupid rules you made for yourself and actually understand that it is definitely not normal to be so freaked out my food. The freedom I now have around it, is just amazing. I don’t have certain eating periods, or foods that I forbid myself, foods that I am scared of or lists of all the calories I am allowed for the day.

Life can be so easy if you just listen to your own body.

And I know it is easier said than done, but the fight is worth it. If you feel like you have a messed up relationship with food, please get help. Talk to your friend, family, teacher or doctor and let them help you.

There is nothing wrong with accepting help.

I know that I have some readers, who struggle with the same issue. So here are some challenges for you to free yourself from restrictive eating habits:

  1. Go to a restaurant and let someone else order something for you. Then eat the whole portion.

  2. Try to incorporate your fearfoods regularly into your diet, until they don’t scare you anymore.

  3. Add a tablespoon of peanutbutter to your daily breakfast to add some good fats.

  4. Drink smoothies or juices. Liquid calories are easier to consume and will help you.

  5. Always take snacks with you and give into your cravings, when you need something to eat.

Weight gain doesn’t lower your worth.

I think it is important to break this stigma of weight loss equals motivated, great and strong person and weight gain equals weak, lazy and stupid person. We are all so different and weight should not define us in any kind of way. health should always be the first priority. Weather you are healthy at 50kg or healthy at 90kg doesnt’t matter. Listen to your body and just be yourself.