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I need validation.


I need validation. 

I would consider myself as someone who has never been fishing for compliments or relied on other people congratulating me on my looks or abilities. But the other day I realized I let the opinion of others influence my own thoughts more than i like to admit. 



As you know I have been struggling with some mental issues a few years ago that resulted in depression and an eating disorder. The body dismorphia and negative thoughts coming with it are mostly gone but still come up every now and then. It made it really hard for me to accept my body for what it is and gain the weight it needed. I love curvy bodies and I love seeing people at their health peak. No matter what that may look like - healthy people are glowing and that glow is what I am striving for. 
Okay back to the story: 
So the other day my boyfriend said “Babe I think you are getting more and more beautiful.” 
(We have been together for more than 2.5 years and most people won’t think this sentence is anything special, but it felt it really was. )
So I asked him “Why do you think that? What has changed?” 
And he said that I was becoming more and more womanly and that the extra weight suited me so well. And I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. On one hand I was super happy to hear that, but on the other I asked myself...why do I need the approval of my boyfriend? Why does it mean so much to me when he says that? Do i consider myself more beautiful now? Do i Love the healthy Hannah more than before? Or do I only want to please others all the time. 
I think women especially these days are so under pressure to fit into the current beauty ideal that we make ourselves look the way we think society wants us to look like. We don’t even think about the fact if that is the way we personally like to look. We don’t care if we feel good or happy...we care if we look like the girl on the magazine. And I am (or was) the same. 
In my case I am totally agreeing with my boyfriend. I look better, I feel better and I am way more relaxed around food. But I know so many cases in which it is the other way round. 
A girl feels good and everything is cool. Then someone tells her “wow you have gained weight, you have let yourself go.” And all of a sudden she hates herself, she feels guilty and worthless and she wants to change her appearance. 

If someone has ever told you to loose or gain weight, to change your hairstyle, to update your fashion - and you did just to please them, then please listen now: You are so great - just the way you are. You can give a fuck about every single person who doesn’t see that. All these people who want to change you are not ment to be in your life. You don’t need that kind of negative energy. As long as you are healthy and you feel good - that’s all that matters. So next time someone makes a comment like that, listen to your own inner voice and ask yourself: is that what “they” want? Or is it what I want for myself?

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