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My obsession with numbers.

Today i want to get into my obsession with numbers and how I am trying to cure it.

I have to make a confession. I used to be obsessed with numbers and still am to some extend. 

Disclaimer: If you are triggered by numbers in any way, please stop reading right now and switch to another blogpost :)

234 kcal for a simple sandwich...wow way too much.

59 cm around my waist...still not skinny enough.

3 kg heavier today...you fat bitch.

45 min of cardio...how lazy.

Thoughts like that crossed my mind multiple times a day, when I was still stuck in my eating disorder. It's crazy how complicated your life can get by prioritizing numbers so much. 
I am just realizing now, how freeing it is to let go of all of that.

If you can relate in any way right now, if you count calories, if you measure or weigh yourself often and hate the outcome... if you feel bad after eating full fat products and always choose the "light" options, if you struggle to have spontaneous meals which have unknown ingredients added to them...you might want to keep on reading. 

I was so obsessed with being perfect and being in control, that i totally forgot about actually living. I felt so bad after overeating or not exercising enough. I had to be in control and that totally messed up my head and body. Sometimes I even now catch myself thinking "If i just skip breakfast, I can use these "saved" kalories later for another meal" - but then i realize how stupid this is.
You should never restrict.

You should eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full.

I also was crazy obsessed with my size. I remember being so proud of fitting into kids clothing. WHAT? How is this supposed to be something admirable?? In our society women are supposed to stay young forever. Thin, childlike bodies are being praised. Looking at it now, i find it creepy, how i tried to stay in the body of a child to look more attractive. It seems almost pervert to me.

I think we should all be a little more relaxed about ourselves and our looks especially. Nobody will notice, if you gain a bit of weight, or loose a bit. Your body will not explode if you like burgers and pizza once in a while, you don't need to stick to a crazy exercise schedule to be good enough.

You are perfect how you are right now and you are beautiful.

If you ever struggle with control issues, I have a tip for you, I like using quite frequently. I think of myself as a little sister or a daughter. Would I want my daughter to restrict right now, to exercise until she faints, to look at herself and talk down to herself, to constantly judge herself? NO. DEFINITELY NOT. So why would you let yourself do that?!

Be your own best friend.


1 Kommentar

  1. I love this post Hannah! I am someone who definitely has these thoughts every now and then. I used to use 'MyFitnessPal' and tracked macro nutrients, down to every gram of carbohydrates, fats, and protein. I felt it was a 'good day' if I hit them all exactly, and a 'bad day' if I didn't. My focus on what was important in life was lost, and the very sad thing is, that there is an entire industry built around these numbers encouraging people to strive for perfection. Well...perfection does not exist!
    I love that you think "how would I feel if I was my own younger sister/child" - I think that is such a wonderful light to put this in, and a very helpful perspective. Thank you for sharing!