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Brain Fucked.


A little insight into the mindset of a brainwashed controlling girl with an eating disorder. 






A few months ago, I posted that I used to struggle with anorexia. Now I frequently get messages from other girls feeling he same way I did, asking me about how to get out of it and how to finally accept themselves. 
Of course this is a huuuuge subject with so many different areas to cover, so I can't and wont be addressing everything today. But I just want to focus on some things, that helped me get out of that controlled, disordered way of life. (At this point I want to thank all of you, who contacted me for your courage. You inspired me to write this post and maybe it will help someone out there, who is struggling at the moment.)

First you should realize: You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful. There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore. I started of reflecting my own lifestyle. Actually realizing that you have a problem and this is not a good way to live anymore is the first step into the right direction and I guess the hardest as well. But it's the only way to make a change. You have to really want it and fight for it! You need to fight your worst fears!

Now once you have actually realized you have a problem and made a plan to change that, you got to go step by step. I used to make the best improvements due to my motivation. I was not able to meet my friends for dinner for example, because of that terrible fright, I might had to eat something fatty or unhealthy - basically eating in front of others was a no-go. But that sucked! And I knew it did! So one of my motivations was to be more social again and also include eating together on those occasions. Other motivations could be maybe living a longer life or being able to have kids one day or eating your birthday cake without regrets or not having a terrible fitness-addiction and just being able to chill on the sofa...there are so many and I am sure you will find your individually perfect one. So make sure you have the best motivation possible!

Then I tried to change my point of view on things. Why was I doing all of that shit? It was all about how I wanted to present myself, how I wanted to be seen by others around me. But do you really want to be liked, because of your weight? Do you like someone just because of their weight? Do you select your friends or partner because he or she wears a certain clothing size? I guess the answer is pretty damn easy: Hell no!
So why the fuck should someone else select you for any of these shallow reasons? You are not your weight. The number on the scale says nothing about who you are as a person. 

Back then until now I used to write a journal everyday. That is one one hand a very honest way to look back on how brainfucked you actually used to be and how weird and crazy your thoughts were and on the other hand a great way to set goals and just honestly write down what and how you are doing. I find writing really comforting and it helped me a lot with putting my thoughts into words and processing them.

Stop comparing yourself to others. You’re your own person. Try to embrace your own personality and focus on other things, besides food. Distraction is sometimes quite efficient. Maybe take up a new hobby, change your fashion style or listen to a new band. Read some new books, go travel or meet new people. Anything will bring fresh positivity in your life and lighten up your days.

I hope, I could help a little with some stuff I used to do. If you like this kind of content, please let me know (You can also message me privately) and ask me all the questions you have. I will either answer  them directly of write another post about this topic.)

Namaste,
Hannah

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